When gays and lesbians finally get equal rights, I’m sure conservatives will be terrified that same-sex marriages could prove to be more stable than hetero unions, based on divorce stats. (And since half of heteros get divorced, the odds could be worse.)
Personally, I think same-sex marriages will be more durable than male-female ones.
Why? Allow me to explain in a way that ensures I never touch another woman, ever: Guys are PCs, girls are Macs. (Vice versa, if you imagined the example was somehow sexist.) They do many of the same things, but do them differently because their hardware won’t run the same software because the machines run different code programmed in different languages.
[Hey ladies! –Ed.]
Male humans have evolved such that we are always ready and able to have sex. When we’re in a relationship, we have sex as much as our girlfriends allow. Which is never enough.
Two guys? Girls? Libido parity. Huge plus for the same-sexers.
Guys talk to each other about tangible things for transparent reasons. Their communication is goal-oriented. Here’s a phone call between me and my best friend:
“How’s it going?”
“Eh. All right. Feel like getting a beer?”
“I’ll swing through your neighborhood.”
“Probably about eight-thirty.”
“I’ll be here.”
“And then I’ll be there.”
“And then drinking!”
“Yes indeed: Drinking.”
“OK man, later.”
Please relax, as I won’t attempt a similar example for women because I have no clue.
Regardless, I think we all know that male communication is pointed and boring compared with women’s. Why? Guys don’t have emotions. They don’t think about what others think about them, unless they want to have sex with them. Guys are shocked any time a person cries, and simply dumbfounded if it isn’t the result of bodily harm.
Women just want men to listen. Men just want to help solve the problem right away and skip the half-hour of exposition.
To save a scrap of respectability, please know that I consciously chose the typical examples, and had the sense not to editorialize.
Here’s the thing: Guys value doing things with people. Women value the people themselves. Guys also establish group hierarchy through speech, and every other damn thing. Women create, maintain, and deepen friendships through conversation.
And so the fact is this: Men and women cannot talk to each other. Whatever the topic, their natures (genetic programming) ensure each will approach it differently. And since women see sharing problems with someone as a way to increase intimacy and guys instinctively begin offering solutions as soon as they can, the whole production is doomed before anyone says a word.
So: How was your day, hon? Imagine that question not being the prelude to frustration.
I’d bet gays and lesbians can. And believe they could only have it easier than opposites.
Then there are the different kinds of activities men/women typically like, other free-time management issues…
ENOUGH ALREADY! Men and women don’t have a goddam thing in common, and can’t even talk to one another. One wonders why and how the hell they get together at all, let alone marry one another. (I’ll answer that shortly.)
And same-sex couples and spouses are far more likely to find it much easier to simply get along with their sig other. There’s a lot of potential for commonalities for them, and realistically none for heteros.
Of course, the above could mean a lot, or very little, in how it affects relationships outside this essay. I have a lot of gay friends, so I’ve seen people fall in love, seen the aftermath of breakups, etc. So just because it seems easier, on paper, for guys to be together, the fact remains that we can’t choose who to love. And so all of us sleep around until lightning strikes.
OK! And now: Here’s the how and why men and women get together, despite the fact their most fundamental behaviors, as well as the motives for them, differ radically.
When a man and a woman fall in love, a folie a deux, most perfectly illustrated, begins. The two enter a delusion, and it is in this state that relationships are established. That is, men and women form a strong bond while incapable of rational thought.
Here’s Dr Helen Fisher by way of Dr Shauna Springer:
“Dr. Helen Fisher, an anthropologist and relationship researcher, conducted a series of illuminating studies on the brain chemistry of love. Specifically, she found that the same brain chemicals (that is, massive amounts of dopamine and norepinephrine ) are in play, and many of the same brain pathways and structures are active when we are falling in love and enjoying a cocaine-high.”
The elephant left in the room being: When you fall in love, you’re coked out of your skull for maybe a month, even months!
And now we face this truth: Men and women become couples while in a profoundly altered state of consciousness. To fall in love is to enter a delusional state of compulsive thoughts for another, for another to energize you exactly as taking amphetamines would.
Human brains distort reality when one is in love, and these distortions form the basis of all relationships. That is, men and women pair bond during a time when they are incapable of making rational decisions. I wonder, exactly how much would I be overstating the evidence with the conclusion: Men and women are tricked by their own brains into forming relationships. Earlier it seemed men and women could be too different in too many ways — and so for relationships wholly illogical. And that may remain true.
JOIN US FOR OUR NEXT EPISODE: HOW RELATIONSHIPS CONTINUE, THOUGH THE DELUSION DOES NOT, OR: TWO JUNKIES CHASING A HIGH!