InterType Answers the BIG QUESTIONS!

Q: What’s the meaning of life?

A: “The quality that distinguishes a vital and functional being from a dead body.” (

By which I mean the dictionary definition is the only universal meaning of life. Every person has whatever meaning is meaningful to them, personally, meaning ever person finds her own personal meaning of life. Each individual human, though a score here and there may belong to the same church, work in the same industry, live in the same neighborhood, agree on so much they hate each other, lives for a different mixture of herbs and spices than the others.

Husbands and wives don’t share one. Nor do Parents and offspring. Anyone else out there want to tell the class they like living all the more since discovering Jones makes a Fufu Berry soda? Or that, when faced with a person-to-cashier interaction, they think only about how to make the other person come out laughing or, and if only for pity’s sake, smirking? Because doing so, at some point, became who he is, what he does, what he needs?

I’m sure quite a lot share these with me. But then there’s the other ninety-nine percent of what makes breathing important to me…

(I admit I’m tempted, now, to get Greedy Gene Determinist on this and simply write: Humans are genetically programmed at conception and further programmed in later development (I don’t care when a human is a fetus or whatever; I’m pro-infantacide, and have no qualms with offing an infant pre-consciousness, as humans have done for our entire history forever), at all points acting according to its code and life as determined by all points that came before. That is: Humans are automatons. What’s more, our actions can be reduced to, and described solely as genetic expression (Dawkins and the Extended Phoneme) — the ol’ Double Helix playing puppeteer. Which I admit is what I believe to be factual. But we all liked the stuff before this better, did we not?)

Q: Why is there something instead of nothing?

A: There still is an infinity of nothing, so stop it already. It seems the universe is going to expand forever, ending in what I call The Big Chill because wasn’t that some movie I never saw? …Yeah, no Big Crunch, as the opposite would be. And so no possibility of the universe creating and recreating itself time and again. …If it had been, this seems the last go-round.

Why The Big Chill? Because everything in the universe is moving away from everything else (almost-mostly), and everything can’t get away fast enough. By which I mean everything is moving ever-faster away from everything.

Still, if the universe were to expand infinitely, there would still be an infinity of nothing beyond the cosmological horizon.

But, you mean, why a universe and people instead of not? Why YOU?

Read A Universe from Nothing: Why There Is Something Rather than Nothing by Lawrence M. Krauss.

Here’s a hint: Nothing is, itself, something.

Bottom line: Something will always arise from nothing.

…I didn’t make the rules, just live here.

Q: Why did God make YOU?

A: What the fuck? Your parents had sex. That made you. What the fuck kind of question was that?

So yeah, know it without thinking about it: The same shit you love doing for the sake of itself and all the thoughts that go into it is the reason for your being. Pretty fucking gross, huh?

Q: Why isn’t Tim Roth a more-revered actor?

A: Not enough people have seen his groin-grabbingly amazing work in Four Rooms. Certainly not the best movie. But an amazing character.

Also, not enough people appreciate the brilliance of his performance in Four Rooms.

Q: How will the world end?

A: The asteroid will have killed you before you knew about it, solar expansion, those goddam teenagers, Dark Matter Is People!

Q: Proud of yourself?

A: Eh.