“A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”
–Second Amendment to the US Constitution
The following are only a sample of the innumerable reasons every patriotic American owns a gun, and every Blame-America-First Liberal (copyright Fox News) does not.
ONE!: Read the very first part! The Amendment gives us the right to own any goddam ordnance we want!
I DUNNO…: The Bill of Rights was passed in the shadow of a looming war with Britain. The federal government had no right to amass armed forces whatsoever. But states were expected to… read what it says up there!
That is, fuck you if you want to be consciously disingenuous and argue against the importance of the “Militia thing.” The fact is that the US, as it was then structured, could defend itself only with/through militias.
…And, yeah… Fuck you.
[The below rips off someone else’s joke, but I can’t get attribution]
TWO!: Guns don’t kill people, people kill people!
I DUNNO…: Ever heard of a drive-by knifing?
Guns may not kill people, but they sure make it a hell of a lot easier.
THREE!: How else are we gonna protect our property from unlawful use/seizure by the government?!
I DUNNO…: Funny shit, and good luck with it. Please see “eminent domain,” “Waco,” “Ruby Ridge,” and so on.
FOUR!: I’m a woman with triplets I need to protect from a pack of negro rapists breaking into my house!
I DUNNO…: Nice racist rape fantasy there!
FIVE!: Seriously, I have before, and will again (I hope) shoot the fuck out of an intruder!
I DUNNO…: And so you’re part of the vast minority of gun owners whose gun killed someone they wanted it to kill. Check the stats. They almost always do anything but.
SIX!: I like to target-shoot!
I DUNNO…: I guarantee that your penis is within the normal-size range. So get confident, stupid, and spend half the effort you do on gun-nuttery toward satisfying another man/woman/other.
SEVEN: Illegally-obtained weapons are responsible for gun crimes!
I DUNNO…: Yeah. Obtained by fucking stealing them from people who bought them legally.
EIGHT!: The Second Amendment is totally relevant in US society! Now!
I DUNNO…: No. The federal government got itself a military. And so militias are “no longer necessary to the security of a free state.”
NINE!: All anti-gun shit is liberal propaganda!
I DUNNO…: Then fucking disprove it.
TEN!: Shut up and kiss me!
I DUNNO…: I dunno…