‘you think too much’

When aged 16/17/18 I diligently practiced meditation. I had one goal, which was to experience death.

I did not want to die. I did not want my heart to stop. Because a person is dead when they do not have brain function.

(And will one day lead into my logical proof that infanticide is not murder, nor is it wrong according to US laws and social mores. … The avg human behaves almost entirely according to its emotional reactions, responds to information emotionally, believes in some sort of god because it will not think of itself ceasing to be. It is fine to kill a child aged fewer than four years. Humans and even people like me with autobio visual eidetic memory that continues to improve (I almost flunked chemistry in hs; yesterday my mind showed me the periodic table in the classroom — a thing I stared at for weeks of hours, yet when tested knew only where 1-10 are and what, plus the noble gasses. Yesterday I learned and so will always know about Molybdenum, where gold is and why it’s Au, etc… Falling a bit short because I don’t care about Americium, Einsteinium, and other fake elements that exist for picoseconds because humans did a thing that made those things.

(Oh — a young human can be left to die of exposure, preferably, judging by the historical record because the thing lacks consciousness which is why no one ever has nor ever will be cognisant of this time. …Of course many do and will claim the contrary, which is most often an internalization of an incident told many times by humans, whose memories are things I can’t imagine.)

Why did I want to experience the nothingness?

I had surmised, in the course of attending weekly Mass until i went to college (and never having done since) that no one made a whole from the pieces.

I have been continually re-reading the Bible for a decade now. And if you’re thinking this ironical behavior for an atheist, then your thinking is irrational in part due to your poor grasp of language and in this case especially your small vocabulary and the fact the terms comprising it are not properly defined.

I’m sure there isn’t a single Christian outside the clergy who knows their godhead is triune. Catholics of course know of god as a trinity. But who knows that God the Father (YHWH, I AM WHAT IS, etc) and God the Son are equal, while the Holy Ghost is manifest continuously by …

Look. It’s easy, ya buncha rubes: You are so scared to die and to be dead (unlike Jesus) that you have a religion you choose to (try to) believe, and you believe it as a matter of faith.

Which is to say: A huge part of how you think demands that you do not think because faith is belief without proof — and won’t care that modus tollens uses the lack of any proof at all, ever, to demonstrate that — truly — thinking kills gods.

If A exists, then B.
B. Ergo, A.

And so if the Christian god did exist, then evidence of his existence (esp given his supposed nature) ought to also exist.

And yet metastudies have proven that if a sick person is prayed for without knowing this is so, do no worse nor better than people whose helpers made no effort to help them.

This means praying for someone is a foolish endeavor because you’re acting like an idiot and if you’re gonna presume you talk to god, which only a few schizophrenics have/do/will experience as real.

Your behavior reinforces your powerlessness, exacerbates anxiety, and alienates you from the other person, etc, which is behavior either derived from or preceding the depression of a fatalist.

OK. So when you succeed and your mind knows no inputs and gives no outputs, it’s something I knew I’d done when I jumped to my feet in a startled awe.

I learned that from two to seventeen minutes had passed. It is de facto impossible to know anything about my foray into the abyss.

…So then what?

The implications of these minutes of my life were obsessively considered in the five years thereafter, and I realize presently it was another five moving toward understanding.

It remains the most important thing ever in my life. Whatever I will, it will be.

WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED? If you think I wasted my time, you do so from a place that is not the reality at best 5% of people plus me occupy.

To make yourself immortal you made up a bullshit god. You are what is and eternally continually manifest god according to your cowardly, ignorant and fabulist narcissism.

I died. It made me unafraid. Taught me discipline. It honed my mind.

…I do not know if the 2to17 wasis nirvana but know that consideration to be naive and even laughable.

If it was, if it was not, I will know everything one can know about life before I will leave it. I seek a quarry that cannot be captured.


You will die at some point. Get over it.

Also, Catholic Masses present readings taken eons from their context and mist homilies are created using the Bible as an ongoing narrative.

And Protestants ditched Jesus for Paul the Greek taxman who did his part to martyr Saint Stephen and warped Christ’s message into the anti-Christian heresy we all know and love.

Jesus hated rich people. Abhorred violence. Wore one garment. His ministry was to the poor, the disadvantaged, the ill…

I’m dancing circles around something and the more I go the poorer the focus.



I have faith in myself and in my family. In people. Your faith is a fairy tale. I will kill only to defend my life. I do not lie. I live simply.

Is your behavior in congruity with Jesus’s? (Read the Bible before you answer.) Didja know Jesus would have been pro-choice? Or figure he’d support marriage equality because you think them modern lepers.

Clearly, contemporary Christians are perfectly analogous to the Sadducees. Jesus derided them and…

Read it! Christians of today would be first to kill Christ!