merry-go-round broke down

…Is a demeaning way to begin the following programing note: I’ve been MIA lately due to a series of events culminating in this moment, having spent 12 hours in the ER (not me I don’t get sick don’t have allergies and continually add  to my abilities to affect my person in quality and quantity. Most notably CBT and torture and a will to do the first forever beginning 10 years ago, the two-year torment is to be explained later — through this I make my self inured to pain.  Also the only one who has developed this — it’s congenital and the painless rather dumb. I’m not the latter but didn’t beat my brother. I have taken this far enough to now have anhydrosis and  occasionally slightly self harm (chew my tongue like fun e.g.), but I’m always tweaking my methodology. I was at the doctor last week and had 15 seconds in which I decided to make my pulse far lower than the terribly well documented norm of about 100 bpm. As the assistant approached I went to that place. 63 bpm.

I am a venerated one one shall allow none of which because of these. Also I have purged hate etc through truth which is enlightenment. Eg, I don’t despair the suicide of our species because we cannot do otherwise because we are not otherwise because we are tribal animals (well… not me — by luck of DNA draw I’ve relatively recently discovered I do not “feel” fear, nor have I felt any emotion in a way that affects one’s physical state except love, which is a psychosis akin to cocaine intoxication with a rough crash of essentially or literally divorcing andor kids.

Which we must stop making to survive. But we will not (most of you, anyway, I give a shit and live it) because people do not change. So said the Master in Ecclesiastes, whose genesis is in prehistory. Species do change but over millions of years. We don’t have that time nor the physic wherewithal (again, me excluded) to state down what seem to be harsh truths until you find yourself laughing and smiling at bad times and wrong places when you think of how pitiful you had been.

To end: The Path works of it works. I was confirmed a Catholic aged 13 and didn’t become shown to heal anything. The above examples are the results of the Path and me choosing what to become.

It is harder daily to speak to people. People want simple answers but I know better and know the genesis orbhistorybor whatever of spool much and many things and also have no internal monologue allowing five areas of concentration. My dad finally accepts as fact due to evidence that I read and type and talk (one can know any whole given half — I must restrain myself from responding in conversation until the terrible mundanity (sic) is at last spoken. …Of I could find a person to talk to who can listen simultaneously would be a fine but of peace.

Look into the void. The Path begins when… I’d not spoil this for the slivered percentage who may try nor the one in hundreds of millions who goes even that far.

Truth is power. Real. Tangible. Demonstrable.

What has your bullshit deism made of you but a simpering chimp?

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