is evil something you are, or something you do?

If you recognize the above quote the odds favor you being a fan of the person posing the question, and in this case you are a-ok by me. Unless you’re evil. Or do evil.

And so I’d like to revisit breaking a nose as my first significant act as a buddha reborn. I was having dinner, sitting at the bar at a place whose tenders I know and was talking to. The guy came in already drunk, and somehow began talking — loudly — about women accusing Cosby of [not to be mentioned], and that it discredited all his victims. I educated him on the psychology involved in the situation, re both victim and victimizer and went on to express my belief that there are few criminals it makes sense to kill. For a person who recalls every moment of his life every moment of his life (remembering something, for me, is best likened to accessing a video file — placing it in the foreground while the rest continue as usual.

A child molester, when arrested, will have (victimized is such weak tea for a word in this matter, but I cannot allow my thoughts to turn to far this way or… None of your business, sorry) been caught for one offense and committed about 20. And such a person always will reoffend. The cure is to kill these people. And so it goes with all sexual offenders who are not psychopaths because all will have either pride or guilt and readily confess. …If we can ever trust our justice system, we’ll be justified in prosecuting and persecuting persons almost exactly as we do not now.

But let’s save that for when it may make sense.

I was not rude to the person. When he asked how the fuck I would know I said I got a guy a psych PhD. When he asked where I said Google anything or everything I’ve said and prove me wrong. Attack my argument, my reasoning — you think you’re debating me but you’re not even addressing the issue, only attacking me by proxy which in Logic we call attacking a straw man and yeah I know Logic too. And more subjects besides than you’d believe but I’d demonstrate if this conversation weren’t over.”

He stood up, didn’t know what to do, and went to the bathroom. Not enough time passed for it to have been necessary. At best he didn’t wash his hands — a thought that recurred later.

He came back and sat and began again loudly and I said I will not talk about this because what you’re saying is repellent not to me but to any rational morality. Either stop talking or leave or go where I can’t hear you or give me five minutes to finish.

He stood and announced he’d be outside in a manner that let me know I’d be jumped. But I’d read his five friends — only one who silently sat by him — and figured none would join.

And so I talked to a friend behind the bar and had forgotten him when I walked out and when I punched him and felt as I feel now (I re-feel and re-taste rather than whatever it is to re-member) his nose split like a log down the middle and wished he hadn’t been moving into it and wished I’d known what to do as blood exploded from his face and I’d only moved my arm and swiveled to face him after having swiveled away, not moving my feet — I saw the scene and at some point win or lose or whatever wondered why I’d chosen to fight as a matador…

I was not angry before nor after. Nor annoyed. Nor nor nor. What he said was wrong factually and wrong morally and fucking disgusting.

And I would not take a punch and be the one bleeding on the sidewalk. It would have been wrong for me to be harmed (I can certainly be harmed, and when harmed make it worse by not being able to feel it and act in accordance) by him since the situation demanded one of us end up just so.

I’ve since lost items of importance to me and searched myself for an anger, a regret, a frustration that is gone. I’ve realized that my failure to become angry when in a situation as the above infuriates people.

I’m amazed. And meant to write code instead of drivel…

And this is all that you get in the name of entertainment…


alienandroid, in the future there will be robots