NEW MIRACLE SUPPLEMENT!

  1. It’s totally fucking methamphetamine!
  2. OK no, but it’ll give you an erection!
  3. It’ll make him put his erection in you!
  4. It is the only thing that can and will make you happy!
  5. Your friends love it! You’ll be hated if you don’t!
  6. Finally a wayy to get rid of that belly fat by consuming calories this way, not that way!
  7. Becaue if you thought gluten was bad — and you don’t even know what gluten is you fuckwit! — you’ll love how this is an alternative to the next thing that will kill you! Rice maybe? No Atkins needs to cycle out — PROTEIN MAKES ERECTIONS IMPOSSIBLE, AND IMPOSIBLE TO SEE BECAUSE IT MAGICALLY ADDS FAT ONLY TO YOUR ALREADY PENDULOUS GUT!
  8. Girls will smile suggestively at you! Guys will see above!
  9. OK it’s meth!
  10. Finally in a 32oz neon liquid with twice the caffeine and high fructose corn syrup (which is just sugar so shut up and buy a fucking scooter — Jesus if you’ll ride one of those…
  11. DO WHATEVER LOUD COLORS ON SCREENS TELL YOU/IMPLY/ UNTIL…. HAPPINESS!