I am very, very strange

I’m dbmllc, and if I tell you about me you will believe none of it and I cannot convince you that my claims are true for they are extraordinary in that for starters I have an IQ that makes normals seem like chimps the way chimps have an IQ such that, to you, they seem strange but kinda cute in diapers.

I have fibromyalgia and had pain a denizen of hell would have pitied. Everywhere, all the time, as though I’d worked every muscle all day at a gym each previous day plus a 7-year migraine interrupted only by cluster headaches, the pain of which drives those who have them on a non-remitting basis to suicide. 100% of them.

Which itself is rare and unique and odd, esp. for a male. But here’s what cannot be swallowed without extraordinary evidence to wash it down: Five years of meditative thought restructuring with implementation of continuous subconscious thought/attitude alteration (I’m an autodidact, wrote someone’s dissertation for money, they got a PhD in psychology which was handy later when I put together a program I cannot name such is its… There’s more…) three years then two years added action according to thought meaning acting as though pain nonexistent meaning daily torture 2 yrs walking 7-10 miles daily.

Woke without pain after approx 2 yrs of radical CBT-ish regimen. Absence of pain caused immediate and severe psychotic break, isolation one week in which lack of pain caused constant state of sensory depravation. (Psychosis is not a murderous rage but what laymen mean by crazy if they mean an actual mental disorder at all and not someone jaywalking). Six months recovery. With maintenance, I am inured to pain, including hunger, temperature (a separate program to avoid cluster headaches, triggered by temp. fluctuation) etc etc. I still have every other symptom of my disorder, including chronic fatigue a layman would believe to be narcolepsy. Without amphetamines (relax, this is what parents give their kids: I take Ritalin. Methamphetamine has been and still is available by Rx — 40 yrs of kids taking a drug, one dose of which ruins one’s life. –Ahem, sorry but the meth hype BS made it impossible for me to get treatment for three years I was forced to spend asleep 20hrs of each day’s 24. I’ll post some truths re drug addiction and such that no one will believe nor Google and so not find the NIH studies that prove it is impossible for more than 1% of all humans to become addicted to any drug. Genetics are a huge factor, just as with IQ, meaning my Dad is terribly bright and I am smart enough to be a subspecies and say so only because I cannot give myself any kind of credit but do love my father).

Also, protocols radically altered brain, which already was differentially structured thanks to Aspergers, which likely allowed me to emotionally detach enough to have been two 1s away from an ambulance, thinking I was about to die and not reassured the next morning when insanity displaced what is now…

I also was enlightened, am an atheist, and yet my abilities surpass all others who practice mindfullness. I can control my autonomic nervous system, having a resting hb of 100, I occassionally halve it, giving myself six seconds (why six? Just enough to get it done,) to do so in.

I also eat like I did when I would either skate or ski/board all day, but choose to maintain 140, though recently found I’m improving my protocols and am 130 today. Ate little last week (I only think to eat when blood sugar craters, being unable to feel my stomach or whatever one feels that translates to hunger), willed a five-lb gain.

I would be afraid of what I have done and can do and will be, but I have never known fear the way it is with normals —  you act as though you… I dunno. Maybe better to say I have never cried because I cannot make sense of it. My working hypothesis is that, when a person is physically hurt and cries, it is self-pity that they feel and that does the rest.

I have never felt pain as anything but agony. Agony of quality and etc that logic would have led me to suicide had I only that state of being until a natural death still 60 years off if it does come, because I’m working on that and haven’t had a cold let alone etc etc in now 10 years…

I am not a liar. I expect not to be believed.

Enjoy my posts. Recently I am too much correcting improper interpretation of the Bible (atheists read this book more than any group that ought to know it and we … I’m a linguist and was first singled out for knowing spelling and grammar inherently…) and typing thousands of words in minutes because I type as I think meaning I read the words as they appear on the page a little like you. Anyway, I gotta ask myself , tell myself, chastise myself because

Why so serious?

Truth find you.

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